


Comfort

by WinterReadingerDixon67



Series: Marvel OneShots [29]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Body Shaming, Body Worship, Doubt, F/M, I'm back!, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Sorry for my absence, overweight reader, plus sized reader, you're beautiful just the way you are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 21:36:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10625610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterReadingerDixon67/pseuds/WinterReadingerDixon67
Summary: Bucky is new to the whole Avenger thing, but never feels comfortable around anyone, doesn’t think he’ll be accepted. But you come along and act like he’s just as normal as the rest of them are.Bucky’s POV, because you should always love yourself and your body. Because you’re all beautiful just the way you are, no matter what you look like. Love yourself, take care of yourself and stay happy!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Guess who's back? Me!!!! 
> 
> I originally planned to take a short break, but school and life took the reins and left me both physically & mentally drained. Not to mention I hit a wall and struggled to find myself for a bit that left me lost for a while. I will try to get back into the groove of posting regularly, so I can get my groove back. :) But I'm back and am SO ready to get back into writing, now that school is coming to an end. So expect some more stuff from me! 
> 
> I have not forgotten about my Help Me & Motionless series, so don't worry. I will update those as well. Along with some new series I've been working on. More series?! Yup, I just can't stop and never want to. :) I miss posting fics for you guys, so I hope you all enjoy this one & the ones down the line.

* * *

 

 

Contact. Human contact no less. Everyone crowding around you, poking you, prodding you for new information, new physical discoveries like you were some god-damn lab rat. Don’t these people ever shut up? Let alone stop for a few fucking minutes to breath?

It’s not just the stares that bother me, it’s how I can _feel_ them watching my every move. I can’t even walk into a room anymore without all the chatter dying down in less than two seconds flat. I don’t need to hear them or read their thoughts to know what they’re thinking. After being the Winter Soldier, the Ghost Assassin for little over seventy years you get very good at reading people. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. Just because I was brainwashed, doesn’t mean I’m incapable of feeling.

Steve and Tony both agreed - given that it did take a lot of convincing on Steve’s part - that I was ready to become an ‘Avenger’. As fucked up as that sounds, it felt nice to be needed for something good, but I only agreed on small missions. Where I could get in and out fast, not wanting to hang around longer than I had to. But my stupid therapist encouraged me to mingle with others, saying it would help me get past...certain things. I won’t say I didn’t try, I did, but it always felt the same. Stayed the same. Until she came along.

“Fuck man, how do you manage to outrun Steve every morning? I thought you super freaks were made for long distance.” Sam huffed out as he bent over to catch his breath. Surprisingly, Steve was doing the same thing. I on the other hand was barely breaking a sweat, which didn’t shock me at all. I was forced to endure long distances, but that’s a different story.

“No clue, bird-brain, maybe Steve’s just getting old.” I say nonchalantly as I make my way back into the Avengers Tower, the two groaning men following me.

“Fuck you, Bucky. I might be ninety-nine, but I’m not stupid. Plus don’t forget, you’re as old as I am.” Steve breathed out, as we soon made our way to the common room where everyone else was residing.

“What would ya mom say, Stevie? You said a bad wo-” I was cut off as two round, yet strong arms wrapped around me. Their soft body pressed up against my back, fitting perfectly with mine. I didn’t know what to do, no one’s ever initiated contact like this with me before, not voluntarily at least and definitely not in the friend kind of way. Both Sam and Steve looked at me with raised eyebrows, clearly shocked at this too. The arms loosened and Y/N’s bright smiling face came into view.

“Good morning, Bucky! Morning Sam, Steve. You guys hungry? Breakfast should be just about done when you guys get cleaned up.” I watched as she skipped down the hallway disappearing into the kitchen. I couldn’t move, still taking in the fact of what just happened. But it felt nice, being embarrassed like that. Knowing I wasn’t going to be dragged off somewhere where only pain would follow.

I did go to breakfast but locked myself away for the remainder of the day. Overwhelmed by the feeling of being wanted, the hug, the moment. Everything.

\-----------------

It happened again, a few days after that morning. I couldn’t sleep, nightmares plagued my mind. I watched as my hands killed those I was assigned to wipe out, my hands covered in blood, people screaming. So many screams, loud noises, so loud. I ran my hands through my sweaty, unruly hair as I made my way towards the common room. Sleep has always been a struggle for me, so it mainly ended with me on the couch catching up on films I’ve missed in the past few decades.

I startled slightly when I heard someone enter the room, poised to attack the intruder of my personal space, I relaxed instantly when I saw who it was. Y/N walked in and she looked absolutely adorable. Hair piled up on the top of her head, a faded Captain America shirt showed off her soft curves, and a pair of black sleep shorts snug against her wide hips and thighs. She was breathtaking. All the way from her thick thighs, the rolls on her stomach, her chest, her soft strong arms, god, literally _everything_ about her screamed beauty. Ever since that day, all I could think about was her body pressed up against mine. How perfectly it would mold against mine.

“So what are we watching tonight?” I jump back to the present when I notice that she’s now sitting beside me on the couch, feet curled up underneath her and a bowl of popcorn on her lap.

“Uh, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea...I think? JARVIS recommended it.” I said quietly, still not sure why she was even here. Not that I didn’t want her to be here, I did….really want her to. She hummed in satisfaction, munching on the popcorn slowly.

“I think I need to ask him for movie recs more often, he has good taste. It’s a really good one, wait until you see Captain Nemo’s sub, it’s like a mansion in a metal capsule. Popcorn?” I was so mesmerized by her voice, I hardly noticed the bowl of popcorn being offered to me.

“Thanks.” We sat in silence as the movie continued on. We eventually watched film after film, way into the early hours of the morning when I felt I was ready to try to get some sleep. I silently walked Y/N back to her room, but stopped when she spoke softly to me.

“Hey, if you ever want a movie buddy. Let me know.” We watched Journey to the Center of the Earth the next night.

\-----------------

It’s funny to think how much time flies for everyone, but it always feels like the world is moving in slow motion for me. Everyone is flying about quickly, rushing to get paperwork done, get to a meeting on time, chatting so fast on the phone I was worried their jaw was going to fall off. Not for me though. My days seemed to go by even slower.

I had to meet with my therapist, psychologist, Fury, Steve, pretty much fucking everybody today. I was sick and tired of being treated like a fucking piece of glass, a piece of porcelain. I ended up having a small relapse during a mission, which resulted in Steve being tossed out a window - which he said wasn’t the first time - and me ripping off one of Sam’s Falcon wings. This wasn’t the first time this has happened and it wouldn’t be the last. But this time felt worse. I could feel more people staring at me, judging me, whispering behind my back of how they knew this was going to happen. It’s not like I can’t hear you, you fuckers. Thanks to all the super soldier crap, it always felt like a curse how I could always sense what was going on.

And I fucking hated every second of it.

Especially now. I was put under house arrest - lucky that it wasn’t quarantine - until Fury and my therapists felt I was ready to come back out. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without being watched. I felt like I was a prisoner all over again. My freedom, freedom of choice ripped away from me. So I stayed in bed all day, staring out the window at nothingness. That was until I felt the bed dip behind me and those two same gentle round arms wrapped around me. I tensed as I felt her kiss the scars along my left shoulder, linking her fingers with my cold metal ones. But I soon relaxed into her touch, soaking in the way how soft her skin felt against my back. She was wearing a tank top and shorts, but I could feel everything.

How come I always feel like this when she’s around? She doesn’t look at me as if I’m about to break. No looks of horror when she sees the mess of scarred tissue, no fear of the man I once was, the killer I was made into. She sees me as….me. Treats me like...a normal human being and not, not a monster. I hardly knew I was crying until soft hands urged me to my back, drying away my tears with such love and care. Y/N stared down at me with a smile, her eyes shining so brightly.

“Hey now, there’s no reason to cry. Not unless you’re cutting an onion because those things are terrible.” She chuckles softly and grins even wider when I smile up at her. Y/N brushed the hair from my face as I leaned into her touch. Craving more of her touch, I pulled her to me, so she was laying half on top of me. Resting her head on my chest, legs tangled with mine. She was everything I imagined and it was perfect. I hesitantly run my hand down her sides and across her thighs, not sure if she actually wanted this affection.

“Goodness man, I might have rolls, thick thighs, and wide hips, but the only thing you need to be scared of about me is if you insult my cooking. So cuddle with me like you mean it.” She grabs my arm and wrapped it around her, my hand resting on her hip. I felt her smile as she kissed my chest. “There, was that so hard?”

I chuckle quietly, tugging her flush against me, not wanting to go another second without her touch. I didn’t care if Y/N had thick thighs, rolls instead of a flat stomach, round arms instead of thin ones. To me, she was Y/N, the depiction of beauty. Why she was like this with me I had no idea.

“Bucky, I can practically hear you thinking. You are more than your scars, metal arm, and your fucked up past. To me, you’re beautiful in every single way. Scars and all, and don’t you think any different.” Y/N said firmly before falling asleep. I watched as her chest rose with every breath she took, letting her words sink in. What did I ever do to deserve her?

\-------------------

Tony’s parties were always the worst. People I didn’t know and had no interest in knowing, all crowded into one space. It was recommended by my therapists for me to take part in these festivities. Saying that it would help with me getting more comfortable to be in public settings. As right as they were, I found it rather frustrating. I felt like I was being suffocated in the [suit](http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/gi/53rd+New+York+Film+Festival+Martian+Premiere+mQn_eCxrJuux.jpg) Natasha picked out for me.

     

I knew I looked good in it, mainly since Nat insisted I had it specially made and fitted. Per to Tony’s agreement. But still, all I wanted to do was just rip it right off. However, doing that would surely get me killed if Nat found out.

“I think you have an admirer, Buck,” Steve gestured over my shoulder. Confused, I turned around and locked eyes with Y/N. She was wearing a [black cocktail dress](http://www.mylusciouslife.com/wp-content/uploads/galleries/post-12755/full/Tadashi%20Shoji%20Plus%20Dress%20-%20Ruched-Plus%20Sizes%20black%20cocktail%20dress%20for%20plus%20size.jpg), with a low neckline and showed off her curves perfectly.

She walked around so confidently, the disgusted stares of some of the guests not even registering to her. She became a very close friend over the past few months, I couldn’t help getting the feeling of wanting to have her all to myself. To worship every inch of her body, run my hands all over her skin, kiss her plush lips, and dig my fingers into her hips as I hold her against me. Fuck, this was bad, but she looked really good. And the fact how she loved the way she looked made the feeling for her even stronger.

“Fuck,” I mumbled under my breath, hoping no one heard me.

“Dude, just go over there already before I ask her myself.” Steve sighed behind me, I turned and glared at him.

“Not happening, you know you have two left feet, punk.” He just smiled slyly at me.

“Then get a move on, jerk.” Heeding his advice, I make my way towards her. Y/N grins as she sees me coming and eagerly reaches her hand out for me. So I take it and fuck her hands are soft. But then I realized I actually took her hand in mine, without hesitation.

“Wanna dance, Bucky? Show me those moves you’ve been hiding from me?” My head jerks up to look at her, she had a tinge of blush on her skin. Her hand squeezed mine as I noticed the nerves start to kick in on her face. Still holding her hand, I grasped her chin gently with my left hand forcing her to lock eyes with mine.

“I’d love to, doll.” I graze my hand down her neck and back before resting it on her lower back, leading her to the dance floor. I held her against me, letting my hands rest on her hips as we danced the night away. Sure there were those who frowned at who I was dancing with, remarks on how I can find someone much better, but I couldn’t ask for someone better. Y/N and I fit together like a puzzle piece, a perfect pair. Her soft body molded against my solid one. Just perfect.

\--------------

I did it, I finally mustered up the courage to ask Y/N out on a date. No more late movie nights, late night conversations in the kitchen, quiet nights of her calming me down after a nightmare plagued sleep as just friends. But now as something more. It was just me and Y/N out in a fancy restaurant, all expenses paid by Tony. Everything I thought could go wrong, never happened. In fact, the night went by so smoothly I was afraid I was going to wake up to find out that it never happened in the first place.

Y/N insisted we go to Central Park afterward to just enjoy the quietness and each other's company. I agreed eagerly because I loved Y/N’s company and didn’t want this night to end.

So here we were, sitting on a park bench watching the sun set in the sky and the chill of night creeping in. Y/N was leaning into my side, my arm wrapped snugly around her. I kissed her temple, breathing in the floral scent of her shampoo. Wanting nothing else than to just get drunk off her scent every second of every day.

I’m utterly amazed at how far I’ve come since officially joining the Avengers, becoming someone who saved lives rather than takes them. How I was now comfortable with interacting with huge crowds. How I frowned less every time I looked at my scarred body in the mirror. How Y/N kissed my scars every chance she got.

“What are you thinking about, tough guy?” I look down to see Y/N watching me curiously.

“How do you do it?” I asked her, hoping that she wouldn’t be offended of what I wanted to ask her down the line.

She looked at me confused. “Do what exactly?” I look back over the water, watching intently as the reflections slipped past.

“How do you walk around so confidently all the time? How do you feel comfortable in your own skin, with all the disgusted looks people give you? How do….how can you _love_ the way you look?” I look down at my left hand, disgusted, ashamed at how this was a part of me. “How come you’re not repulsed with the scars I have? They’re not a pretty sight to see.”

Y/N turned to face me, reaching out to grab a hold of my left hand. “Look at me, James.” Her voice was firm and she called me by my name, which meant I should just do what she says. So I did, her face was serious, but her eyes were kind.

“James, listen to me and you listen good,” she placed a soft hand on my face, running her thumb along my jaw watching me, “you are _so_ good.”

“I would be lying to you if I said that I walked around confidently and comfortable in my skin every second of every day. But that isn’t true. It’s taken me years to come to terms with how I look. How I have rolls instead of a flat stomach. How my arms look like sausages, how my thighs rub against each other, and the countless stretchmarks I have littered all over my body. How I have cellulite on my thighs instead of the smooth silky skin others have. It was tough, and when I mean tough, it was life threatening even.

But then I realized that I was actually really healthy. Sure I’m not made like a sexy hot sculpted Greek god like yourself,” I blushed at her praise, but didn’t say anything because I wanted her to continue, “but I’m healthy. Yes, I eat probably too much junk food than Steve would actually allow, but I eat healthy. I work out, I train with Steve and Natasha. I take care of myself, I try on dresses, skinny jeans, shorts that show a lot of skin, and even some….other things.” Y/N looked away quickly as a blush settled crept up her neck and onto her face, it didn’t take long until I realized what she was talking about. But she composed herself and continued on.

“James, loving the way you look, feeling comfortable in your own skin and your own body won’t happen overnight. I’m not saying it’ll happen in three months, or even a year, it’s different for every person, but you’re healthy, strong and sexy as fuck. Having your past, your arm - which is wicked cool by the way - or your scars define who you are today isn’t healthy. It won’t be easy, but it’s not exactly hard if you have a good support team. Which you do have.” Y/N held my face with both hands now so we were just inches apart.

“You are so beautiful in every single way. _You_ made me feel beautiful every day, even when I already knew I was, but you intensified it. Your eyes are like fucking sapphires, your hair is a masterpiece in itself. Your smile could honestly stop someone's heart. There are so many things about you that had me fall for you, James Barnes.” I wanted her to continue, but I wanted to kiss her even more. Taking her face in my hands, I pulled her the rest of the way, molding my lips against hers. Y/N sighed into me, resting her hands on my chest as she kissed me back. I tilted her head to the side so I could deepen the kiss, not wanting it to ever end. She tangled a hand in my hair gripping it tightly as I wrapped an arm around her waist. She whined as I nipped at her bottom lip before breaking the kiss. Her eyes were closed, chest rising rapidly, her lips red and swollen.

I leaned my forehead against hers as she opened her eyes slowly, “Thank you Y/N. For...everything, for making me feel free, comfortable, and...accepted. Be my girl?” She smiled so fondly at me, pecking my lips once more.

“First of all, you’re welcome, and second,” she kissed me again but this one lasted longer and said so many truths, “yes, yes, I’d love to be your girl, Bucky. I’ll always be your girl.” Y/N smoothed my hair back and I couldn’t help but kiss her once more before I grabbed her hand in mine as we made our way back to the tower. I didn’t hold her hand for very long until it was locked onto her waist holding her against me. With her own arm wrapped around mine. I felt as if a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders as we walked back. What else could I possibly need than what I already have?

Y/N gave me everything I ever needed, what I always wanted and loved me in a way I never thought anyone could. She gave me a new-found confidence I thought I’d never have again.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love!  
> Comments are life!
> 
> Please leave feedback, I love hearing from you guys! :D


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